Tryna' Get Chose...

Editor's Note: This month's blog comes from a couple who discovered their romance after careful reflection and time with God. Their story reminds us that instead of "tryna get chose" we should choose ourselves--reflecting on God...

Background

 …Met her in high school. Interestingly enough, neither of us remember exactly what brought us into each other's airspace or what exactly got us to talking. What we DO remember is that once we got to talking it was easy. Chemistry was just…there. Not in a romantic way mind you, but we just clicked. It was easy. Easy to talk, easy to laugh, and easy to share details about ourselves. We have always had many mutual friends, but honestly, we never were in a situation where we were forced to talk to each other until sometime around our junior year.

Long story short, we became very strong friends very fast late in senior year and onward. Best friends. We didn’t get to really hang out much because she soon left the area to attend college out of state and also we were both in romantic relationships with other people at the time, but eventually that all changed and we became even closer.

Showtime

August 2012. Around this time is when I first started catching some feels little by little. I largely ignored it, but started entertaining the idea that hey, this could maybe work.

May 2013. This was graduation time! I had promised her that I would attend her graduation and I stuck to that promise. I ended up driving up to her university on an 8-hour road trip with her parents--just her parents and I. Needless to say, she was excited that I followed through with my promise. By this time feelings were in full swing but y’know…I had to play it cool. Went up, had fun, came back.

By October 2013, I decided to make a move. We had just finished hanging out at the movies one random Saturday night and while we were in the car I spilled the beans. I admitted everything. Full-stop. Essentially, I wanted her to be mine and I told her this. As you might have guessed it, her answer was a NO! It sucked and stung a bit but I didn’t hate her. I simply just fell back and our friendship diminished immensely for about a year and a half...I simply just had to get away and distance myself. I felt at the time that reducing the amount of time I was around her was necessary for my own sanity (whether you think that’s erroneous or not I don’t really care).

FELLAS. Shoot your shot! More importantly, shoot straight. Don't play games with her. Even if you get rejected 1) she'll respect you and 2) you'll walk away knowing exactly where things stand and can keep your head held high.
I realize now that I needed time to grow myself.  During that time I focused on me. I learned how to handle myself as a man, began saving for my house, grew both spiritually and professionally as well.

We began talking again and having brief discussions with each other again around December 2014. It wasn’t exactly the same as how we were when we were best friends, but it was at least something.

Then, April 2015 came around. This was the turning point and I’ll let her take it from here…

Honestly y’all, my feelings for him came from thin air. To give some backstory though, God had been working on me during our “18-month hiatus”. I too, did a lot of growing. I too, focused on me. I bettered myself and I submitted my love story to Christ. I gave up trying to navigate it all myself. I gave up trying to be in control. I threw away my list of qualities that I looked for in a mate - you know ladies, that list that we compare all guys to in order to see if they meet our standards? Yea, that one.  I stopped going on random, meaningless dates. I stopped watching movies and tv shows that would put me “in my feelings” and I even stopped listening to love songs. Psalms 16:8 says, “I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

I essentially guarded my heart and gave it to Christ and promised Him that I would wait for Him to place my heart in the hands of a man that He chose for me. I stopped being the girl that was “Tryna Get Chose” and became the girl who was focused and engrossed in “Choosing the One who Chose Her First”. “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings Psalm 17:8”. It was only after God did a number on my character and on my way of thinking that He wasted no time in bringing this guy into my thoughts to the point where I couldn’t stop thinking about him for weeks! I couldn’t ignore my abrupt feelings for him. I kept feeling what I believe was the Holy Spirit nudging me to say something so decided that it was MY turn to take MY SHOT! And that was the start to something beautiful. God’s timing is always perfect!
Ladies, when someone says that they are “submitting their life to Christ”, that includes the submission of their love life. Just give it to Him. He has your best interest ALWAYS in mind. However, you have to put in some work. Any time we cast our cares to Christ, there is always work on our end that has to be done. We have to do our part. If you are not healthy in mind, body, spirit, and soul, then what makes you think that, that is the type of guy you will attract?! Give it all to Christ and He will work it out.

Just make sure you remember that you are not perfect, nobody is perfect; so you should not expect a “Perfect Man”. However, what God WILL do is find you someone who is “Perfect for You”.  In James 1:16-17 it states, “So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father.

A lesson we both learned from this journey is that when you simply focus on bettering yourself, God will bless you. He’s got you! Things become clearer and you'll see certain things start to happen when you LEAST EXPECT IT. God’s timing is the best timing. It is important to be content in every season of your life. There is always something of value to learn, Keep your standards high. Demand excellence from yourself and for yourself. The blessings will come! The season of singleness is the perfect time to better yourself so that you can then contribute to the betterment of others. 2 Corinthians 8:7- "Since you excel in so many ways—in your faith, your gifted speakers, your knowledge, your enthusiasm, and your love from us—I want you to excel also in this gracious act of giving."  

Blessings,

-God's Chosen Couple

Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom...

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Romans 12:1

I’ve had an epiphany from God on my relationship with men. For the longest, I did not know my self-worth. I couldn’t settle on a set of core values that expresses what I will and will not tolerate.

Some time ago a boy once asked me "What does it take to be your Boyfriend?" Do you know I had no answer for him? Instead in my gullible, sensationalized and shallow state I got mesmerized--which was dangerous! You play around with your heart and stand to lose yourself if you do not have a set of core values. I played with fire and got burned--very badly. By the time I realized that this boy had flaws and irresponsibilities that I should never deal with, I had already fallen for him.

So I settled. I settled thinking I can’t dump him just because of X, Y & Z. Maybe I can change him or help him. BAD IDEA. I had come to the relationship a healthy whole person and got with someone who subtracted from who I was. Even then, I was willing to care for this person unconditionally. But at what price? The price was my heart, mind and soul.

Towards the end I was emotionally drained. So I terminated the relationship. But being lonely and not knowing my worth, STILL caused me to regret my choice. Then one day God spoke to me; “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He helped me to realize that this was all a challenge to get me to finally settle on a system of core values.

I understand that sometimes we have to go through this pain and struggle because the best thing about falling down is getting back up! Because of this realization, we have become stronger, wiser and faithful more than ever! Sometimes we have to experience pain and struggle to be able to look back and say you know what? I’m kind of glad this situation happened to me. It made me stronger and I never want to be the naive ever again.

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

It’s sad the epiphany, sometimes, has to come from heartbreak & pain. But isn’t that how we need to learn sometimes? I look at the story of Job and I am amazed at the parallels. I want to share my story to the world! Because I wish someone had shared their story, maybe I would have made the same mistakes-but maybe there would be a different outcome.

“Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I will argue my ways to his face.” Job 13:15

I hope someone who hasn’t thought of their self-worth will read this and reconsider their actions. Whatever you do, pray about it and Let God show you the way. You can’t do anything without him!

Tip:  Create a list of your core values and list the characteristics you would like to see in your partner. Consider keeping it in a journal and document the history of your past/current relationships and in the future. Sometimes we forget the lessons we learned from past situations. So why not keep them in a journal?

--Anonymous

Note from the editor: If you would like to anonymously submit your story of love, strife, and triumph please click here. 

We Gon' Testify...

"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love."
--1 John 4:18 (The Message)

What exactly is Love? You can’t really touch it, but you can feel it. You can’t really see it but you can discern it. You can’t exactly taste it, but it ​satiates your palate. Love. It can touch you at any moment, it can capture your soul and hold you hostage.​ It can make you a victim to idiosyncrasies and cringe-worthy moments of “What was I thinking?” 

Love, it makes you do stupid things. Love has moved mountains—literally—as evidenced by​ the creators of​ Mount Rushmore​.​​ Love should be selfless, yet many have killed for love. But in its purest form many have also been saved by Love. Love is overrated and underrated all at the same time. And yet, we yearn for it. We want LOVE. We want to be loved, we want to love-love, and more than anything, we want to love; something, somebody, someplace, somewhere, somehow…WE. WANT. LOVE.

Webster defines love as; “A strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; Attraction based on sexual desire; Affection and tenderness felt by lovers; Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests”.
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Love is a multifaceted beast. You can be in love and you can have a chance at love. You can have Agape​ ​​L​ove (sacrificial) toward family, Phileo ​​L​ove​ (soul)​ ​as with a friend or member of your social network. ​Then ​there's Eros ​L​ove, felt with the body and directed towards a ​l​over. Your love can also be Storge (dutiful), towards your culture and community. With all these dimensions and quantum complexities of ​l​ove, it’s easy to see how we humans can sometimes get ​love​...​wrong.
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We are unworthy of such a task as​​ Love. Bound in inequity and drenched in sin, we come to the world with some catching up to do. We learn how to love from our parents, however, because sin has run rampant our ideas about Love will forever remain tarnished until we look to Jesus to set us straight. God sent His Son to show us the​ purple and​ multi-dimensions of ​Love. It is by example that ​H​e has modeled and answered this exact question: “What is Love?” 

GOD IS LOVE.

We know that by example we can continue to spread His gospel and share the good news. We know that suffering will continue in this world until His second coming. What counts​ in this lifetime​ is what we do with the love we have now and how we ​can ​share it​.​

ReConnect Young Adult Ministry at Restoration Praise Center wants to share this love with you. We know that some of you are hurting and suffering because of this thing called love. We want you to know that you are not alone. Everyday someone dies, weeps, sobs, leaps, rejoices and suffers because of ​interpretations of ​Love​.​​​

We bring you this blog to share those experiences with the hopes that our​ triumphant​ testimonies​ will bring you solace and comfort. Every month, Reconnect will publish a true story or testament about finding, losing, ​sharing ​and having Love.

Christian Perspectives on Relationships is meant to be a CPR forum to breathe new life and hope into our interpersonal relationships and bring us closer to God.

If you have a testimony or story you would like to share you may do so by emailing reconnect@rpcsda.org or submitting it anonymously online here.

 This love story is to be continued…