“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Romans 12:1
I’ve had an epiphany from God on my relationship with men. For the longest, I did not know my self-worth. I couldn’t settle on a set of core values that expresses what I will and will not tolerate.
Some time ago a boy once asked me "What does it take to be your Boyfriend?" Do you know I had no answer for him? Instead in my gullible, sensationalized and shallow state I got mesmerized--which was dangerous! You play around with your heart and stand to lose yourself if you do not have a set of core values. I played with fire and got burned--very badly. By the time I realized that this boy had flaws and irresponsibilities that I should never deal with, I had already fallen for him.
So I settled. I settled thinking I can’t dump him just because of X, Y & Z. Maybe I can change him or help him. BAD IDEA. I had come to the relationship a healthy whole person and got with someone who subtracted from who I was. Even then, I was willing to care for this person unconditionally. But at what price? The price was my heart, mind and soul.
Towards the end I was emotionally drained. So I terminated the relationship. But being lonely and not knowing my worth, STILL caused me to regret my choice. Then one day God spoke to me; “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He helped me to realize that this was all a challenge to get me to finally settle on a system of core values.
I understand that sometimes we have to go through this pain and struggle because the best thing about falling down is getting back up! Because of this realization, we have become stronger, wiser and faithful more than ever! Sometimes we have to experience pain and struggle to be able to look back and say you know what? I’m kind of glad this situation happened to me. It made me stronger and I never want to be the naive ever again.
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
It’s sad the epiphany, sometimes, has to come from heartbreak & pain. But isn’t that how we need to learn sometimes? I look at the story of Job and I am amazed at the parallels. I want to share my story to the world! Because I wish someone had shared their story, maybe I would have made the same mistakes-but maybe there would be a different outcome.
“Though he slay me, I will hope in him; yet I will argue my ways to his face.” Job 13:15
I hope someone who hasn’t thought of their self-worth will read this and reconsider their actions. Whatever you do, pray about it and Let God show you the way. You can’t do anything without him!
Tip: Create a list of your core values and list the characteristics you would like to see in your partner. Consider keeping it in a journal and document the history of your past/current relationships and in the future. Sometimes we forget the lessons we learned from past situations. So why not keep them in a journal?
--Anonymous
Note from the editor: If you would like to anonymously submit your story of love, strife, and triumph please click here.
